I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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