i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
