Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
