he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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