Little spoons don't ask big questions
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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