oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
