life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
that is very illegal...i love you.
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