Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
