margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
