Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
