I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
