they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
