I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
