I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
