I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
