Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
