worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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