Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
