At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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