Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
