My friends, they love my intelligence
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
