i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
