he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
