I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
