Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
