God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
