They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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