I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize