just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
