remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
