kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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