So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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