Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
