He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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