Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
