Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
