We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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