i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
