She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
