My sheets look like a crime scene.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
