Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will be naked everywhere
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
