she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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