Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was born a porn star she said
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
