Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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