Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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