Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
