I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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