I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
