My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my shit smells like andre
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
