my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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