Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
