best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
