No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize