So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
