1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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