Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
