im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
