the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
