Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if only i could text you this smell
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
