I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
