there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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