Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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