im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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