I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
4 words: hood of his car
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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