I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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