My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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